"I could jump at her throat".
Anger is our wild and cell shattering action invitation, wrapped in fiery sparks and primordial lust to hunt and kill. Harnessing this energy explosion makes you the badass you want to be.
Next time when you feel the fury don't repress it or feel guilty. Use it.
Repressing anger turns people into vicious snakes; when they get triggered they spit their anger at us in moments of lost control. Often they don't even remember or are able to admit to their rage. It is too painful for their self image of being good members of society.
Each time my former boss reprimanded me as if I was a naughty kid, the "black sheep of our family" she jolted me forward into my truth, into new ideas and the urge to change my life. For the longest time though I took it back with rational arguments of needing to be responsible and keeping the job. Perhaps she even was my purgatory and I had to suffer for ancient Karma?
When I finally blew up, literally in a car crash, and quit the job I had enough of the martyr role I had played. My angry NO slowly turned into an amazing YES to this other, still nebulous me.
I followed the path of my rage to its roots. I found sadness and disappointment and a huge bag of tears that needed to be cried. I discovered my inner self, acknowledged her pain, forgave us for the anger and the people we had hurt in its path.
My anger opened a story book of lost dreams, the need to please and an relentlessness ambition to be perfect, while silencing my Self.
I accepted the invitation to act and re-arranged my mindset small step after small step. I exercised the muscle of perception like a Zen warrioress and and two years later I own the whole package of myself.
10 steps of how to make anger your best friend
1. Feel your anger without fear.
Avoid lashing back at what or who causes your inner volcano to erupt. Take your anger and bring it to a place where you can scream, stomp and curse without hurting others. You can always have a talk or take an appropriate action later when you know what your anger really means.
"I'll get back to you on this." And the door falls shut, for now.
2. Acknowledge what just happened and how you feel.
3. Accept it
Anger is often directed by our subconscious mind furiously smoldering in unresolved issues. Acceptance is being open to and welcoming your inner Rumpelstiltskin as a messenger. Give your anger the right to exist like a loving mom reacts to a tantrum of her kids; with loving compassion and understanding.
4. Welcome it
Welcome its fierce fury, the energy of the goddess Kali who will support you to destroy limitations
5. Use its fiery determination
Anger comes from the same source as passion, it really is a passionate outcry from your soul for you to transform what is holding you back and get on with your purpose.
6. Open up and listen to the message
Meet your Self, the angry kid, the grumpy bitch, the furious woman. Feel the pain underneath the anger. It often is powerlessness and might lead you to your intitial disappointment and sadness.
7. Use it like a laser beam
Meditate or journal and let the anger shine light into your past and guide you to its origins
8. Recover your past
a. Inherited anger; give it back to whom it belongs. Cut the cords to other people's pain and rage.
b. Step into your "enemies" shoes, see where their unfair and hurtful actions are coming from. Understand their pain, feel compassion and from there forgive them. Not sanctifying their actions, caused by their issues but forgiving the human being behind their issues.
c. Forgive yourself for not knowing what to do and having been powerless
d. Reactive anger of the moment; find the diamonds in the mess. What was the trigger for your reaction? What was taken from you, what did you have to deny yourself? Show your inner bullies the door by being angrier than they are, in your full right and awareness
9. Turn anger into gold and diamonds, into any shiny thing your heart truly desires
Make a list and turn every negative into its opposite; every pain into a vision, every lost into a found
10. Discover what the opposites can do for you
11. Apply the magic
Exercise your discoveries and learn to own your power one small action at a time. Many small wins will create the grand picture of YOU.
12. Creative action for mind and soul
Kali, is the Hindu Goddess of creation, preservation, and destruction, a Goddess of many layers. She destroys to liberate like fire engulfs the old to make way for the new.
If you'd like to add magic to your life, a dimension other than the every day reality, dive into the history and meaning of Kali and create an altar for her and the powers you would like to enter.