I parked, locked the car and hurried off to my appointment in downtown LA.
2 hours later I'm back to a "last warning" on my car in red threatening letters and a bunch of exclamation marks. Dude, you didn't warn me first, why do I get a last warning? And where does it say that this is a private lot? I hate being reprimanded.
DTLA is popular and parking is gruesome, I had considered myself extremely lucky when I had found this spot after 10 cruising minutes. This was the only free spot far and wide. The note reminds me of my fight with the meter madame last week, I hate parking fines. I crunch the note into a little ball and toss it into a street corner, there you have it. (Swearing...)
I look up and - honestly?
"One fallen angel" says the street art painting right i front of my nose and a dark angel is licking a sign, like giving the world the finger. Caught. I laughed. I had parked right at myself. Of course, I'm not that devilish, my wings are white with a few dark spots. But that color change was fairly new, I had been quite a grumpy bitch, still prone to stumble and jump at triggers.
In the process of finding balance and happiness it's normal to fall in and out of grace. We are lured by the demons of the past to react in the old ways; you smack me, I smack you right back. My road away from the smacking routine had been packed with rocky resistance. I was angry and I had the right to be. The world was unfair. I fought the idea of grace and faith and trust.
When I finally understood my beliefs and how much they had co-created my experiences it took me a while to forgive myself. But I didn't want to be the Angel of revenge anymore, a rebel against what annoyed me. To cherish and protect the dreams of that little me who had been kicked into the corner was my goal now. to be a warrior for inner giggles. I focused on beauty, saw things differently, said my mantras and recited my own unique affirmations. I did the work. Every day. Washing the dishes or walking the dog - I found myself smiling without a reason. Soon I will sing Hallelujah on a pink cloud I feared but to my astonishment the pink world of nice wasn't boring, just different.
The world is very angry, everywhere and every day people are seriously pissed off. So much that they vote for the destruction of their planet.
I tell my story because I understand anger and the despair that fuels it. I was in the unfair boat, an angry martyr, for years. I hope that my swearing buddies will find power where there's self pity now, courage where there's disappointment and love where there's hate. If I can find my nice so can they.
Lives can be transformed because crap can be turned into gold.