Cool tights in hot summers: Outfit Inspiration

I don’t wear tights because my boss or social standing demands it. I don’t have to but I love to and a little bit also because legs of advanced age like a smooth and silky cover up.

Sexy stockings, eccentric tights or funky panty hoses heat up any outfit but in the summer unfortunately also our bodies. For whatever reason you want them; for self-expression, a fake tan, or a necessity, we’ve got ways to wear them in the summer.

Be it for fun or following the darn rules; how can we be stylish without overheating?

9 tips to make choosing and wearing warm-weather hosiery a breeze:

1.     Choose stockings without bottoms; cold feet make a big difference.

2.     Wear stay-ups rather than a panty hose for the same reason

3.     Search for hosiery with a low denier number; 5 is perfect but anything under 20 does the trick

4.     Net, lace and cut out designs are superbly breathable. It doesn’t need to be a statement fishnet. Tights with smaller, subtler designs are widely available and might even be accepted in a workplace culture.

5.     Chose silk. Natural fibers are often more breathable than man-made ones.

6.     If you feel punky, rip your stockings and join the 90s fashion trend

 7. Experiment with mesh suspender tights. They come with a built in suspender from the same light material as the stockings

When we do the above we gain practical benefits like keeping our feet from getting sweaty inside your shoes, and stop your legs sticking to chairs. Stockings in the summer can prevent blisters, and protect pedicures from rubbing against shoes.

It’s a win, win.

Cecilia de Rafael Eterno Super Lucido Shiny Tights

Tights of our time; get your stockings out

Tights mania

stockings - tights - panti-legs - panty hose - knee highs - over knees - stay ups

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stockings - tights - panti-legs - panty hose - knee highs - over knees - stay ups 〰️

Runners!!

Already late for a secret rendezvous I rushed into the garden to fetch my dogs. I stumbled, I screamed: I got my silky black stockings snagged by a bush. My hands trembled when sliding into the only other pair I had. The clips of the garter belt slipped off again and again. I couldn’t give up. This was my chance to escape my terribly dysfunctional relationship. I needed the sinful power of these stockings, and their seams to be straight, to convince myself that I wasn’t a woman stuck forever in unhappiness. I was a femme ferocious running off into the summer morning to have the fling of a lifetime. It was the 90s, I hated panty hoses and hadn’t worn stockings for at least a decade. 

I made it to the tiny cafe in a remote village where my date had waited for an hour. The weekend changed my life, radically and fabulously and stockings were my accomplice in this fearless adventure. 

Yesterday a pair of smooth silk stockings slithered out of their package caressing my skin; my accomplice was back. Three decades later, in midlife.

Am I alone in this? The dreaded panty hose, demanded to be worn in offices, politics and every day life, turned out to be repressive and makes us smirk sarcastically when remembered. Sensual stockings, like stilettos, accumulated a lot of feminist criticism. 

A woman’s education consists of two lessons: never leave the house without stocking, never go out without a hat.

Coco Chanel

At first glance I thought Coco made a sarcastic joke but every stocking has two sides. Their sensual art had been watered down into the must for proper house wives of the 50s. Women were supposed to be polished like their silver. The inventions of nylons in the 40s had made them affordable and more than 60 million pairs were sold in the first year. When the production of nylon had to cover second world war needs and stockings became scarce, women felt so incomplete they that they painted a seam onto the back of their legs to fake stockings. After the war their repressive side shows up in women feeling they had to compete their man’s pin up girl fantasies, others stepped into the role of Stepford wives. Many were jailed in the belief that a proper woman would not be caught dead in naked legs. I panicked about runners in the 90s but just a few decades earlier it was considered shameful.

Have you ever arrested runners with nail polish?

Lucky for many, the invention of panti-legs in 1959 rattled minds and morals. Especially for the younger generations they became a tool of change. Squeezing into girdles and restrictive expectations of femininity wasn’t what girls in the 60’s wanted. Who participated in the era’s revolutionary wave rejected the responsibility of being a wife and mother early on; let’s stay playful a little longer in rompers, girly skirts and knee high socks. Who dreams of child bearing hips when you could be skinny and tom boyish like Twiggy? Practical panty hoses allowed for shorts’ and skirts’ hems to go up; colorful patterned legs flaunted rebellion against tradition. 

Being sexy was a life style not mother’s means to catch a husband.

The young don’t often do what they are told and that is, in many cases, progress. Being different than our parents became natural fast, how could we possibly be stuck in rules and regulations we did not create? Knee-highs and over knees added to the mod philosophy of staying forever young and independent.

But rebellions fade and after nylons it was now the panty hose that became a part of the assigned daily uniform for women in business and politics, employees in offices or wives shopping in supermarkets. Like the shaving of legs they were a norm that grew into manipulated obsession.

We humans love to innovate and rebel against the past. Society though has the power to market and assimilate rebellion until it’s the suffocating norm again.

Good news; objects are filled with stories and their initial vibrancy can be revived. Stocking DNA says sensual femininity as much as tights vibe Mary Quant and rebellion.

The practice of fabric tightly wrapped around legs is ancient and its more recent her-story is as emotional as we women are said and meant to be. 

The “hose” was initially and famously worn on the hairy legs of upper crust men in the early 17th century. Women of higher standing had to fight for the right to tights. Only when men switched to more comfy trousers at the end of the 18th century, the hose finally trickled down to the masses. After women had finally won the right to show more of their legs, the stocking adorning them developed into the “utmost feminine”, sexually loaded accessory, exactly as it had happened in the history of heels. When we enjoyed their sensual power we were called sluts. When we dissed them as sexist we were judged like suffragettes. We swirled tights in the air like freedom flags in the 60s and banned panty hoses to landfills in the 90s.

Strong feelings are not a weakness but a woman’s underestimated power; the hate and love that comes with outfits are our power tools.

For midlife women like me tights are a rebellion against society’s expectations of how a woman of a certain age has to look and behave; that many women still follow those rules scares me. Mary Quant, one of the mothers of mod in the 60s, feared the drab of adulthood, took the tights and kiddo uniform from her childhood and re-imagined it for young women’s wardrobes. The tights came in Crayola colors, playful prints and with girly embellishments. 

Yesterday’s grandma esthetics and the assumption that up in age means going down are his story. We are fashionably relevant going forward.

I suggest we pull a Mary Quant: we reinvent the outfits of our power times, be it the 70s, 80s, 90s or Y2k as a rebellion against ageism and to reconnect to the joy and limitless power many of us have felt in dress ups or fashion adventures of the past. Definitely try tights in their fantastic modern versions. My Insta tights are pop colored, snake and skull embroidered, studded, glittered and appliqued. 

Why are stockings and tights the latest trend, especially for women over 40?

  1. Society is in a mood of “more” after being confined to the inside for months. It is dangerous as over-shopping slaps the environment hard and often unforgivably. Accessories like tights are a perfect solution to uplift our existing wardrobes and moods.

  2. After slamming it in pajamas for too long, women want style and love for detail again. And fun! Pop colored tights do for women what popsicles do for kids, they make us giddy.

  3. Experiencing life threatening times we humans react with thirst of life; if not now, when? Liberation is on the bill boards again; over knee stockings are imbued with women’s confidence, knee highs evoke high school shenanigans, garters holding fishnets stockings say sexuality is just fine when it’s mine.

  4. Stockings, knee highs, thigh highs, and tights; there’s hosiery for every mood, occasion, time of day, and look.

  5. The rise of conscious shopping with an eye on sustainability leads to accessories as the perfect less waste tool. We can lift a boring old dress into exiting style with creatively patterned and bright color hosiery. We can tell stories with shimmer, sheer and graphic tights and rebel against restrictions of many kinds. Especially for midlife women tights have become the steam in their closets and blow the lid off beige, mature and average.

  6. 2022 is about dopamine dressing. The mood elevation via tights is easily available and affordable. Just search for “patterned tights” at Amazon or Etsy.

  7. We can witness the mindset of a society by what it lets its women wear and by the women who rebel against the norm. It took decades for us to be allowed to show legs and today we let our legs speak a new, ageism-free language. Instagram women have always danced in lingerie but in midlife it becomes a beauty revolution.

  8. Midlife women are a new power source, when we show our legs in tights we make a bold point. Age is irrelevant when we are relevant.

  9. Tights let every woman, no matter the age or size, pop with personality in the slip-on of a moment.

Our legs’ fashion shows how far we have come from the must of panty hoses.

Tights symbolized freedom once and can do it again; let’s get our stockings out and let them be “the barometer” of our outfits and accomplice of our fabulous, unprecedented midlife mindset.

ripped stockings for midlife rebellion

Ripped tights are the ultimate rebellion for a midlife woman.

Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world. (Marilyn Monroe) Why heels are powerful in 2022.

“I’m not afraid of heights. Have you seen my shoes?”

Carrie Bradshaw

I recently bought 5 and 6 inch high platform boots and booties. I unpacked them and sighed, lovingly caressing their beauty. Joy filled my heart when they turned out to be easily walkable. Statement heels without pain were the answer to my yearning. They say I am rebellious and strong in my edgy elegance, standing in proud height overlooking who I am today. I rose above my status of “old”, have high-minded ideas and very much love the lofty heights of being very much awake; I feel elevated by 6 inches of plastic fantastic Azalea Wang creations.

Not being afraid of heights means we’re not afraid to fall. But what do we fall into when rising up on heels?

Why, after two Pandemic years of accepting flip flops in LA and sneakers in Seattle was I attracted to test my legs capacity to balance on heels again? Certainly a rebel reaction to the blah of times void of galleries openings, hip restaurants and movie premieres. But like many of us I am into review, reset and reclaim after these months of enforced or inspired change, which makes eccentric shoes a means of reflection.

2020, the promised decade of clear vision, has so far shown us the dark side of our reality. In crude summery; we are helplessly watching white old men making a mess again.

If we have any chance to change the future into a true female mindset, we have to learn from our past. High heels, so frivolously embedded in patriarchal esthetics are an amazing tour de fun enlightenment. The psychology of the diva named shoe has been widely discussed for centuries and for various obvious or subtle reasons it can always be traced back to sex and power. Criticized as oppressive, sexist and chauvinistic, heels have also been sold to us as sophisticated choices for political power chicks and boss babes.

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
(Sue Grafton)

They did, Sue. The power-hungry history of high heels is male, dating back to ancient times but famously to the 15th century when Persia’s soldiers used them to secure their stances in their saddles; they were an instrument of war. Persia’s diplomats cruising Europe in heels caused a style revolution; men loved dominance, intimidation was a darling drug and the height of heels promised both. Every entitled male went coo coo for the craze. Louis XIV red soles were only allowed to be worn by his close circles and who’d dare to copy them was banned from the court. Not being very practical added to their snob appeal. Who needs to work or walk when you can plunge your brocade wrapped behind in a heavily ornamented arm chair and play with your overload of jewelry.

I was giggling on my lofty height plateaus not only as I felt like training for Cirque de Soleil, but because the rebel women of the century, courtesans, copied the male only trend. They walked on chopines, plateau constructions of up to ten inches, and my intuition tells me that it was a riot for them to make fun of men’s exuberant vanities. Courtesans, other than even aristocratic women who later also dared the walk on heels, had power early on. They were the only women allowed into libraries, to read, smoke, drink all in the name of pleasing men yet their pleasing was packed with powerful intrigues.

Heels were their sarcastic statement of liberation, a walk of prowess not pain and shame. Courtesans were adored, lifted to positions as high as their heels would take them.

The nature of trends was that it spread from high up to the lower levels. Europe's wealthy classes followed a unisex shoe fashion until the end of the 17th Century, when things began to change again.

The age of enlightenment, proud of rationality and intellect, robbed men of jewelry and exuberant brocades, turned them into the boring seriousness many wear today and twisted women into irrational, emotional beings, as foolish and effeminate as their high heels. Vanity became female. Heels were hit with the label of ultimate femininity.

Imagination teaser: how would ultimate femininity as a power to conquer the world look like?

Today, women in western societies often are still, depending on where they live, restricted by common standards, forced to wear 3 inch pumps in the corporate office or 2 inch wedges like every other woman in their community. Mothers, so Claudia Schiffer, shouldnt wear heels as they can’t run after their children. Why not enjoy them and run after the kids anyway, barefoot? It only takes a second to be flexible.

Those of us who live in LA, New York and cosmopolitan cities like Berlin, Rio or Paris can wear what we want no matter what age, whereas we might be frowned at or kicked to the curb in the Bible belt or Bavaria. The lucky ones live where freedom of choice isn’t a full blown illusion; they move fast in runners, combine evening gowns with sneakers, stomp in combat boots, feel nostalgic in kitten heels or balance on stilettos.

When heels are a conscious choice they become what society promised; sophisticated and powerful. Society made them the ultimate female power tool why not use and reappropriate them? Instead of seducing men we seduce life to be what we want it to be; a stage for powerful women who wear what they feel.

As fashion forerunners we have let go of the restrictions of midlife entanglement, revolutionized “old” in mini skirts, fishnet stockings, red lipstick and long manes. When we wear heels we know their history and the hate and love debates. To harness their rebellious power we step into the story of the fierce, educated women who exercised their right to be sexual like a man, adored like a goddess and respected for their cultural refinement and intellect in a time where most women were held at home like pets. Only shaking off the morals, fears and indoctrinated beliefs of their time made courtesans taste the freedom of literally higher realms.

I wear plateau heels because I am a midlife rebel, they have become my mission statement of confidence, my personal platform of empowerment intended as an inspiration for all women but mainly those battered by ageism. I wear chunky and plateau heels because they are both feminine and masculine, they exude sensuality and strength, pink love and punk; they are a cultural revolution of fierce women who take criticism and transform it into clarity.

High heels in midlife are a shock for many; we incite change by being fearlessly different. If you are opposed to heels, I dare you to try and listen to your body and soul messages when you walk. If you wear heels, dig a little deeper and make them your tool to know thy intentions.

Fashion is rarely comfortable, but I assure you that well made plateau heels don’t hurt. They are in many ways a step up from the aggressive stiletto, the Italian word for dagger.

High heels put your ass on a pedestal, where it belongs.


Veronica Webb

Every shoe we step into makes us walk differently and every walk connects us with its history and creates a feeling. We’ve got kitten heels, pumps, spools, stilettos, ankle strap heels, wedges, sling backs, pompadours, espadrille heels, ballroom, cone and cowgirl boot heels, chunky and comma styles, platform, plateaus and wild fantasy heels. Shoes are perfect for exploration; walk like a soldier, cowgirl, house wife, diva, ballerina, bully, politician, boss or teenie bopper and grow in inner height even more than in outer.

In which shoes will you walk your power?

Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world when she changes what cultural femininity means and transforms metaphors of oppression into tools of empowerment.

If we make heels powerful again, will men follow us? Is the future - female in heels?

Quotes about heels, the good, bad and the ugly.

If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would not have painted the Sistine floor.

Neil Simon

High heels are pleasure with pain.


Christian Louboutin

One of the biggest misconceptions that a woman has is that a man has to accept her the way she is. No, we don't. I don't know who told you that. We like the bright and shiny. If you stop wearing the makeup, stop putting on nail polish, stop wearing high heels, you'll lose us.

Steve Harvey

If I want cuddles, I buy a new pair of shoes.

Unknown

Hyperbolic prosthesis imposed by fashion.
(Antonella Amapane)

High heels make a woman 25% more dominant 50% more self secure and 100% more sexy.
(Marilyn Monroe)

I can’t concentrate in flats.
(Victoria Beckham)

High hopes, high heels and high standards.
(Carrie_Bradsh4w, Twitter)

I never wear flats. My shoes are so high that sometimes when I step out of them, people look around in confusion and ask, “Where’d she go?” and I have to say, “I’m down here”.
(Marian Keyes)

Shoes must have very high heels and platforms to put women’s beauty on a pedestal.
(Vivienne Westwood)

Men tell me that I’ve saved their marriages. It costs them a fortune in shoes, but it’s cheaper than a divorce.
(Manolo Blahnik)

I have no problem with the idea of comfort, but it is not an important thing aesthetically. If you look at a shoe and immediately say it looks very comfortable, in terms of design, it is not going to excite me. Of course, I am not putting nails in my shoes to ensure everybody is in pain, but a heel is not a pair of slippers and never will be.
(Christian Louboutin)

Strong women wear their pain like stilettos, no matter how much it hurts, all you see is the beauty of it.
(Author Unknown)

Life is short, your heels shouldn’t be.
(Brian Atwood)

Dopamine dressing; can fashion make us happy?

The magic of outfits

Sick, depressed or in a no future mood? Looking at inspiring outfits “so me” might evoke a little smile but it won’t get us out of the funk. In fact, as I experienced myself, my passion for fashion was on the lowest burner when I felt physically imbalanced recently. Fashion is not a cure but is an amazing sidekick on light gray days and when we need an accomplice to achieve our goals.

Secret No 1 - feel your wardrobe.

What is the mood or situation I am in and where would I rather be?

Which color, fabric or style will support my goal?

Secret No 2 - let your outfits talk to you

Colors - colors have vibrations often interpreted for us by the society we live in. Before simply agreeing to something like “red is power “(western societies) we let it talk to us. Your relationship to red is not like everyone else’s. Red might feel aggressive to some or even dangerous to others. Those very personal viewpoints will jeopardize the intention of being powerful. The more successful approach is to hold colors to your face thinking about what you would like to express or achieve; which one will say “chose me?” The same counts for fabrics and styles.

Style has personal and collective memories. It is steeped in the history of its making as much as stories of who wore what and why and how it is received by society. Style equals roles; which role will we step into today? Which styles can we mix to step away from the usual interpretations and surprise the world with new meaning, with the uniqueness of you and me?

Forms - intellectual architectural structures, renaissance ruffles, over sized casual jackets or tight pencil skirts can be loud like cartoons and show what you want very pointedly.

Fabrics - from cold to warm, stiff to flowing they evoke different energies from the feeling of intellectual power, sensual openness, cozy protection or balanced zen power; when you feel your need or desire in your wool, vinyl, satin, silk or fake fur, the fabrics will be there for you

Secret no 3 - shop in second hand designer stores like Crossroads Trading or in thrift stores (those in more fashionable areas of town) Not only because you care for the environment but also because these stores often have an enormous variety of clothing from designers to fast fashion which is perfect for letting the outfits call to you. You chose intuitively rather than intellectually.

Secret No 4 - we imbue our outfits or one of its pieces with meaning

After we find out what the outfit means to us and the message it shall convey to the world around us, we consciously imbue it with our meaning. Invent a ritual to make it stick; add a particular fragrance to your thoughts or an adornment like jewelry, gloves, stockings, a handbag or a hat to remind you all day of who we want to show the world and why

Truth test

How does your body respond? Do you feel a smile or a shiver come up when you look at a particular color or style? Don’t wear periwinkle because Pantone says you should.

I love my two piece polka dot outfit, it was a vintage dress which I modernized by ripping it apart to show a little skin. I wore it to show the storytelling Wizard of Oz boot beauties, they even have a button to make them blink. Their funky art lured me in. Why then did I wobble when walking in them? I walk my truth in my boots but in these I stumbled. Surprise; I remembered that I never liked Dorothy and her witch killing story. As amazing as the boots are they have to go back because they make me unhappy. Moral of the story? When your body sends you a negative message , don’t be afraid to say no to your sartorial choice.

Happy making examples

Colors - Blue is the color of truth if you agree that it is. When literally stepping out in it we promise to walk our true selves, tell your controversial opinion, honest stories or grande messages without caving in under the fear of not fitting in, being judged or belittled. At the end of the day, the feeling of having walked in our truth is priceless. Imagine you reinforced that pink means unconditional love and wearing it was a reminder to smile at the world with gratefulness. Not just the giving but also the smiles you got back will warm your heart for days.

Vintage outfits, evoking Audrey Hepburn, Rosa Parks, Anais Nin, Madonna , princesses or rebels, lets us feel their power and how the same lives in us.

Faux everything - wearing faux fur and leather will make any animal lover’s heart sing

Alternative materials - eco warriors feel aligned with their philosophy and that’s certainly joy creating.

It is not that fashion is a happy pill by itself but with the ingredient of us feeling it, communicating with it and choosing it intuitively or mindfully, outfits become an alchemical element in our happy day.

We are the artist and the art and amazing art always has meaning and helps others to understand their world and themselves.

Outfits can make us happy when we imbue them with our very personal meaning.

Outfit magic
Magical booties

Where is your maturity, ma’am?

There she goes again, showing her naked belly like a teen. Didn’t she learn to behave in over 60 years? Doesn’t she have any… what? Shame? Doubts? Maturity?

Shame reminds me of heavy childhood traumas, so no, don’t ask. I keep it under big blankets. Doubts? Got them since I hit 60. They need mending. Maturity? Oh yes, I’ve got it. I’m especially proud of it when walking in tall boots from Dolls Kill, serving those under 20. I’m trained to laugh and not to sweat it when I hold my belly in wearing a crop top.

The word mature, often euphemistically used to describe middle-aged women in all its demeaning negative undertones is in a reanimation phase of its true meaning. It was a compliment once like “on top of your class,” not associated with the bland taste of chewed out chewing gum. Mature is our wise, sagacious, discriminating, considerate and caring, deep and sophisticated power; evolved from the experiences we collected, the many schools we visited, companies, art and houses we built, children we raised, philosophies we dove into and therapies that challenged us.

Immature is inherent in mature; only when we are self aware and confident, can we use it as a tool — or toy.

Embodying “young”, a curious, fearless and expectation-free curiosity, fills me with joy. My initial motivation to play like a kid and be loud like a teenager was anger; the sign up for AARP and pre-order forms for my gravestone in the mail box sparked the Ageless Rebellion movement. That society expects seniors to retire into irrelevance made me furious. Watching lonely humans at the windows of a senior living facility close to my LA home, caused somber shivers.

I squeezed myself into a plastic fantastic mini dress to rebel against the cage of midlife. In my three year journey to a new identity I tried many other attitudes and styles but the teenager in me always popped in. Each time she showed up in Instagram pictures, I felt like apologizing. When I dwarfed myself into a more mature, grown up attitude my energy vanished into a gigantic sigh; compromising can drag us down to blah. “Just do you,” people said. But will you like me then?

Does the person you show to others make you happy?

What I’ve learned in hands-on experiments and studying fashion psychology is that style is a feeling; when it aligns with who we are, it’s wake up music. We look into the mirror or our social media presentations and recognize ourselves. Dressing and behaving young doesn’t mean we’re “desperately trying” to be perceived as 21. It means that we know that all our ages live within us and we can be — whenever. Being silly, loud, theatrical and “too much” is born from a new confidence of being just right the way we are. Conscious immaturity disrupts outmoded expectations.

Dressing like a doll in midlife was liberating to me on a journey to balance playful theatrics and deep philosophies; I call it a lifestyle of edgy elegance.

What will be your accomplice in being rebelliously “mature?”

Outside of our mold wait answers we rarely even know to ask for.

The difference between a crop top on immaculate skin and the same on advanced age bodies is our why, our awareness. What we wore with 21 because it was trendy and everybody else wore it, is now a conscious decision. We pull tight jeans over our aching hips with a cause of empowerment and because many women our age are afraid to. Every piece of clothing contains history, personal stories and a brand’s philosophy. We chose and imbue with power what matches our message. One of my passions is longevity expressed in sustainable fabrics. I upcycle my life experiences to new insights like I deconstruct and innovative yesterday’s outfits in my styling studio. As insight so outside.

Old is celebratory.

Our new mature means intense flavors, juicy wisdom and tasty bites of futurist visions. Because we understand the past, we can predict and influence the future. Remember that ripe peach making your hands sticky, soiling your blouse while caressing your taste buds like a revelation? No matter if we’re showing wrinkles or not, maturity is a fantastic, unapologetic peak; allow your wisdom to drip all over the place.

Where is our maturity? It’s the new hype, the place everybody wants to be.


The power of NO. Step 1; where does the No against myself hide?

No is a sentence. It has many levels, from fear based resistance against our true desires, to the rebel power of saying NO to society’s expectations and cliches of what a person should be. No is a shield, a bubble that imprisons or protects us, but can also be a sword that slays limitations. It is used against women to keep them in a role defined by society and it is a power we can use to break the spell.

No is a tool, a daily exercise.

Step 1 - Inventory

Where are our personal Nos, those that make us small, confined, stuck in a mindset of yesterday?

If you are lost or searching, hesitant and doubtful, or simply wondering if there is more to you or your life, the power of NO serves as an efficient training tool. It slays the safety of a mindset that kinda worked in the past. Any change can evoke worries. A new chapter can be downright scary because our pages are blank; what now?

Exercise 1

Who am I right now? What do I feel and think about my world and myself?

For one day observe and take notes of your negative thoughts and feelings, self deprecating smirks and the sarcastic or joking judgements of others that don’t sit right with you. When, where and how do you say no or accept a no to yourself? Where do you encounter the no of society to who you want to be?

What do others judge in you? Who says no to you? How does that make you feel?

Look at your notes at the end of the day.

Do you see can’t and won’t ? Hate this or that? Feel your brakes?

What and who triggers your resistance? 

What do you judge in others? We often condemn what we fear in ourselves and consequently say no to. What does your judgment of others or situations have to do with our criticism or fear of ourselves?

Group your negative opinions and experiences. Can you find themes? Voices from the past that are repeated here? Which are limiting, even controlling you?

In the days following answer any “limiting” no you are aware of with - what would happen if I would say yes instead? What would I do? How would my life change? 

NEXT: When we say No to something or somebody that plagued us it’s like a explosion of confidence.

Victoria’s Secret’s angels vanished; a win for women world wide?

On June 16, 2021, Victoria’s lingerie clad Angels entered the museum of cultural relics like sculptures of Aphrodite.

With a huge sigh of relief many women waved goodbye to the models of polished sensual perfection. The patriarchy cries tears of loss. I feel happy and — a little sad? How can that be? My ageless rebel feminist has written since decades about inclusivity and equality of all female shapes, ages and colors. It started in home sewn harem pants protesting the patriarchal imprisonment in college. Decades later, posting men’s “futuristic” designs of female robots on my 2015 blog La Femme Futura, I pushed for a new esthetic created by women. The big boobed Barbarellas in tight wearable tech jumpsuits insulted my liberated utopia of 2188. Two years later I sported “the future is female” on my bosom marching the streets with millions of women in 2017. Today I wear corsets and sheer tops to rebel against ageism.

My nostalgia watching Victoria’s angels flap revealed that part of me loved the sensual monuments of our current Western society’s mindset. Fessing up to adoring their gorgeous perfection, I understood the idea that we don’t own a “natural” body. Our bodies are cultural; always trying to mold themselves into the culture we live in. If you grew up with Barbie you probably followed in or fought her footsteps. You know how slowly mindsets have been changing, until now; 2021 is a year of cultural pivots.

As if foreseeing the big lingerie announcement, I moderated a room on Clubhouse on Monday with the topic “plunging necklines.” How do we feel about being sexy? Several women said that they enjoyed showing their curves in low cut dresses. We figured that’s okay as long as we’re not trying to manipulate or “catch” gullible men like our foremothers. We dress for ourselves, we agreed, to enjoy our mirror image. But whose norms evoke this joy? There’s no way around it, “sexy” is a male creation; we were fashioned by men’s desires for centuries. We came to the conclusion — for now — that it is difficult to discern where a woman’s self love ends and an internalized patriarchal demand begins. Programmed for so long, can we ever truly see ourselves with our own eyes? Do we need to move to an uninhabited island to know who we are without society and to finally own our bodies?

What is your sexy?

I call Victoria’s Secret’s announcement big because this is not just a financially suffering company switching their marketing; it’s a slap into the definition of hot and desirable. Victoria deleted cultural icons. The perfect angels are so yesterday. No woman wants to be outdated; we will never see ourselves the same in lingerie again.

I always loved my low cut bustier selfies as cute and also rebellious; a woman in midlife is supposed to be modest and invisible, an elegant whisper not a punky yell. The interesting part here is, what do others see? What do you feel when I say I am 60 and I’m sexy? What message do you hear when you see me dance in a courtesan corset? That my intention is to show a youthful and sexually inviting shape to “still” catch a guy’s eyes? Or do you interpret it as a form of coming out? It took decades for women to own sexual desires, which had been declared exclusively male. Only in recent years midlife women took a stand against society’s expectations of “old” and dropped fabric with a cause. Rebelling against the sexless senior stereotype is the higher calling for going Eve on Instagram.

Inner and outer censorship

To dig deeper into the topic I did a bra-less photo shoot in a white mesh crop top and white high waist pants. I felt no inhibitions at all. Posting it was different not because I am shy but I fear censorship. Nipples aren’t allowed on Instagram for example, but debatable under lace. My rational self decided that it is not worth the risk and erased the lightly visible offenders. Worse than AI watching is that anybody who feels annoyed can report us. Discussing censorship and defining morals might change the algorithms over time. Inner censorship is even more difficult to combat because we’re often not aware of all the voices in our heads that aren’t ours.

Whose voices do you hear when you look into the mirror in sexy lingerie or naked? Why do you hate or cherish particular body parts? And have you ever asked yourself how and who you would be if there were no mirrors?

Free the nipple.

Boob liberation has quite a history. Divine women, goddesses and ancient queens were portrayed with unquestioned bare breasts, the 14th century wanted them flaunted, the 15th century introduced decollete gowns and Pauline Bonaparte showed her fashionable small apple shaped boobies under sheer fabrics. The 19th century prudishness resulted in high neck tops and was fought around 1920 when frilly flappers let skin be part of the show. The 50s shaped breast into cone like bras and the 60s saw lingerie tossing protests, Madonna sold sexuality as rebellion and Miley Cyrus supported the “free the nipples” campaign with bare breasts on IG in 2014. ( flagged and quickly removed)

Yesterday - The measure of any society is how it dresses its women

Today - "The measure of any society is how a woman dresses herself."

The Enlightenment period in the early 18th century was a conscious historical shift in philosophy, art, science, and modern life styles. European intellectuals advanced education systems and propeled society forward into tolerance and liberty. Liberation in fashion was two-fold; a more decadent, theatrical style known today as costume clothing supported expressiveness and confidence. Women occupied space in tight corsets contrasting billowing full skirts. On the other end of the spectrum women demonstrated resistance by ridding themselves of corsets and demanding practical outfits that would not exemplify status or restrict movement. Physical freedom expanded the range of action and with that new experiences and knowledge.

Our style illustrates but also shapes consciousness; 2020'-2021 is a new enlightenment period. This time it’s people who demand and implement change. Street styles became like street art; messages of new perspectives and awareness. With the tool of our spending habits and the help of social media platforms we rewrite the traditional rule books of what beauty is and how fashion should be produced and presented. We imbued our styles with a new soul and spirit and created a soft revolution, the future is female might not be that far off anymore. Can we empower our lingerie? Or is it inherently sexist? How would feminist lingerie look like?

Fashion has always been political, used to manipulate our feelings, thoughts and needs, even our worldview. Designers and famous brands have accompanied and co-created repression for centuries and cemented inequality. But fashion, the stuff closest to our skin influencing our mood and attitude, can be a tool for liberation. Like always, change starts at home and with that in our own closet.

It’s not enough to support equality, inclusion or ethical production verbally or with trending hashtags. We dress it. We don’t drip in jewelry and show expensive designer robes hanging on Bentleys anymore. Styling our wealth and for status lifts us above others and makes them feel like the wall flowers of life. We support small business, sustainable not fast fashion. We buy ethical. We include our truth, feelings and insights not just prance our pretty. Not to ask where and how our clothes are made is a political decision, so is not questioning what we are supposed to wear. Our outfits are like political banners of the mindset we support.

When we consciously wear what we feel, outfits become communication; with ourselves and the world around us. Our personal styles illustrate how we are evolving. If sensual lingerie feels objectifying to you, resist it. To find out what you really feel and if you don’t have an uninhibited island handy, do outfit fasting. Wear the same body hiding overall for a week and then feel your wardrobe. What do you desire to wear? If you’ve ever fasted you know how offensive sugar feels the first time after.

Victoria’s angels are removed from marketing; do they still play havoc with your mind?

Let me know if and when you know your true sexy.

 Side note: auto correct wants me to change Inclusivity to exclusivity.

Step into a fashion fantasy and reinvent your self.

Angie trailer.jpg

Escapism was in great demand, living in fantasy worlds felt so much better than facing Pandemic restrictions. Now we transform the magic we experienced on Netflix, virtual travel sites or fashion shows into new, even life changing energy.

Style has always been a tool for creative expression of status or mindset, to move us above others, to fit in or rebel against the norms. Fashion creates social identity. The three main categories women are looking at are

  • the woman I want to be

  • the woman I fear to be

  • the woman I usually am

Imagination is a tool for self-creation; we discover more about who we want to be and even who we truly are under the robes of daily life. Our feelings towards the expression of others in their visuals tell us stories about our judgments and desires, reveal imposters as much as guides. When our hearts beat faster watching women wrapped in couture in shows like the Queen’s gambit, Bridgerton, Emily in Paris, Younger or movies like the Devil wears Prada, we are onto something; often our neglected desires.

Too often we are stuck in our roles and mistake them for our identity.

Roles of normalcy as much as the latest fashion trends can feel like jail, a need to perform; to conform or always be on the forefront of the latest trend. Both extremes ask us to fulfill all kinds of expectations. To know who we want or fear to be and why we have a particular “normal,” requires an adventurous journey into past and future stories. Fashion is, in my experience, the most fun awareness journey there is. Outfits can be muses, awakening desires from the depth of our soul.

Fashion fantasy is one of those little talked about tools for self-discovery, slowly emerging from the secret world of designers into the curious why of psychology. Why do we feel attracted by a certain style and repulsed by the other? What does it have to do with our personal story? Why do looks matters to us?

“When making collections, designers often turn to art, film, and literature as jumping-off points. Fairy tales, for example, have informed fashion shoots, some of which are collected in Vogue: Fantasy & Fashion. But Little Red Riding Hood, renegade princesses, and latter-day Joan of Arcs aren’t only to be found on the magazine’s glossy pages. Season after season, the runway is populated with Dickens heroines and royals, as well as more outré imaginings, like femme fleurs and mystical creatures.” (Vogue)

What happens when we step into our fantasy? When we, no matter the challenges of finances, body shapes, age, cultural expectations and society’s demands, accept an outrageous outfit as part of us, as the desired version of self? What do we feel when we look at our avatar adorned in our dreams?

Go on a little adventure with me.

Let go what you think you know about your daily self, even your known desires or your style. Physically shake it; jump rope, dance, do yoga for a couple minutes; whatever it takes to loosen and open up.

Scroll down the front page of designers’ visions.

If limitations of any kind were no object, in which fashion statement would you most want to walk down the runway? Let it happen; that special something triggering a memory, emotion, or connection. Inspiration works much the same way; it can come from anywhere, but it can’t be manufactured. It is discovered.

Acknowledge and take notes of what provokes or lures you in.

Step into the outfit that talks to you, how does it feel?

Fashion is a language we can learn

Outfits are imbued with history, personal history, social values and personal judgments. Our feelings are the translator.

Fashion is communication, a conversation between you and me, but also a way for our subconscious to get through to us.

Fantasizing our outrageous self liberates us. We better understand our wants and needs, which enable us to plan for the future. Without dreams, without fantasy, we become shells of our potential selves.

 Fantasy is a step out of our comfort zone 

It allows us to enter a world of "contrasts and opposites", to break away from the entrapment of realism.  It create an equilibrium of intellect and intuition, the analytical and visionary.

Fantasies are typically associated with scenarios that are statistically implausible or impossible in reality.

 How can we transport our dream selves back into reality?

Accessories, scarves, jewelry, boots, hats, gloves or stockings can make strong points of our vibration even when added to an every day outfit, they’re like the little flags kids wave at a parade.

When digital fashion designs become mainstream use, our creativity literally won’t have any boundaries. We become the women we discovered being all along.