For the love and hate of drama

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“You’re so dramatic!!”

Who hasn’t being blamed for being “out of control”? I certainly was castigated for my theatrics. I even was “hysterical”, which is the next and meaner patriarchal judgment often ingrained in our own set of beliefs. Many of us have internalized the need to be modest good girls and to criticize our “drama.”

When we own our drama we don’t need it anymore.

How? We discover what our past drama holds for us as a guide to our truth.

Drama can be petty, bitchy, blaming and egocentric because its goals are petty, needy, manipulative and superficial. Drama can also be fierce, passionate, creative and freedom fighting; in both cases it is an amazing dagger to cut though the bullshit of ourselves and our situations; a tool “to know thyself” and an illustration of our true desires.

Rule No 1 : Don’t blame your self for your dramas.

Being theatrical, colorful and “loud” is a reaction to women being labeled the “lesser” human for centuries; drama is a rebellion against inequality and powerlessness. Sometimes we need to yell to be heard and seen or whistle in the darkness to feel safe. Drama can be seen as a step in a woman’s evolution.

Drama is done to us and we do it to others.

I once cut my wrists to convince my partner that I loved him but just enough for the theatrical effect; I created a make-believe to make my point. He was much older than me, a father figure. My unconscious intention was to hurt and scare him; it was drama for revenge. Needless to say a month later I moved out of his mansion and on with my life’s journey towards my truth. I did not not get what I wanted but what I needed; clarity. It was the first time that I hugged my tantrum throwing inner child with an understanding smile of her pain. She giggled adding ketchup to her cuts to take dramatic pictures.

Done to us drama can be painful; when I was pregnant in the 80’s the man I thought to be the love of my life freaked out. He yelled that I had set this “evil plan” into motion because I wanted to “nail him down.” My heart crashed into pieces when he pushed me onto the floor and I lost the child. In this one dramatic situation I saw his lies and the fake reality I had created but also had a vision of an ancient past in which a woman had been stabbed to death in my 700 year old house. This was fateful drama; the beginning of a journey into an ancient story stored in my genes, a story that ruled my life.

Drama is explosive and can shatter the illusions we believe in.

Rule No 2 - Don’t blame others, be responsible for your drama.

What provokes us, is a part of us. We attract mirrors of our beliefs for the purpose of our journey.

Being able to watch our drama queen without guilt or embarrassment is freedom.

I have grown to love the emotional challenges of my past; my theatrical nature has made my life into a movie or a TV series with amazing cliff hangers. The soulful and sometimes devilish director of my script gave me the challenges I needed to get to my happy end. I embarked on all facets of drama; I attracted “silly” scenes I could fume against because my life was bland and I was bored. I exercised my creative powers to transform a situation or tame a wild beast, exaggerated the tiny to make a huge point, attracted painful drama because my soul needed me to see my truth or set emotions into scene to achieve a goal.

Midlife adds wisdom and self love; when we take responsibility for our past dramas, for the stumbling stones and challenges, the crazy seeming obstacles, and the often male monsters we invited, we enter the best of theater; expressiveness, raw truth, vulnerability, and openness to deeply listen and act on the dialogue.

I’m not free of old beliefs but when I attract drama these days they take up less time and space. I still get stomach pain and tooth ache to wake me up from stubbornly resisting what’s right in from of me. Letting go of drama happens when I explore which old pain or belief has created or tints the situation emotionally. Exercising the power of my new self confidence and self worth and taking pain and judgement out of the equation I can either participate in or quit.

I have grown to acknowledge and step away from the emotional challenges of my past, my theatrical nature wants to write her own script.

Drama Queen is a journey in which the dramatic tantrums of the young princess evolve into the confident theater of a queen.

“Drama is an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances,” is its simple judgment-free definition.

I intend to write my life’s next TV series with amazing cliff hangers and fun challenges matching the new insights and powers in my luggage; it will be an exploration of what it means to live and love as an empowered woman and if there’s magic in the 21st century. The joyful creative drama I allow myself this time around is the passion of my stories, dialogues and my theatrical wardrobe.

In the comments below, I'd love to hear about your dramas and what they might have given you.

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