"I don't want to move," he said, "it's too hard to make new friends." My son rejected an amazingly high paid job for one half the payday so that he can stay where he lives now. Also because he goes for his passion and not the bucks; I'm a proud mama, I trained him well.
Leaves me, what shall I do?
At a wise 27 my kid understands my hesitation to go on the big adventure I have in mind ripping me out off my real life social context and Los Angeles, the challenging city I learned to love. I'll always have my friends online, which really is what gave the idea wings in the first place. Still. I need the wind under those wings. So I ponder and wonder...
"Maybe it's different at your age," my son added, "you guys are creating a new empowered breed of people."
You are right, my beautiful old soul child, a mathematician who doesn't believe in souls; that everybody has a very unique essence is a conceot he would agree to. For me they are interchangeable.
We, the midlifers, boomers, formidable 40's, fierce 50's, sassy 60's and beyond are indeed creating a new empowered generation. We have to feel this confidence in our bones; we don't grow old, we grow. We are actively building a new paradigm, one, that hasn't been active in at least 2000 years; the new tribe for which we still have to find a name. I like the AGELESS, people who live in the now where time ceases to exist. Thanks to Eckard Tolle we all know the Now by now... It's a space without a defined space in which age truly is just a number. Where we arrive at us.
I always have been my own experiment. In the last year I used social media to create my ageless avatar of the ideal me; the powerful, vibrant, funny, wise and inspiring woman with the child-like powers of play and curiosity. I'm getting closer to my vision with every Instagram post reaffirming it and with every - so important - real life action and baby step I am taking towards it. Like making new friends.
I had two enlightening Ahas about the stories many of us are stuck in.
1. I am too old for this.... was my excuse not to do certain things, an excuse I had used in one form or the other all my life dressed in different chatter; I'm too young, too fat, too under dressed, too shy, too loud, too cool, too lame.... It has nothing to do with age when we refuse to make steps or new friends or risk anything; it's fear. It always comes to fear or love in the end. At crossroads I took a couple fear based "safe" routes, which turned out to be tough challenges. Some of these decisions made me who I am today, no regrets, but some made me miss out on beauty and love.
2. It's hard to make new friends because.... for an introvert trying to be an extrovert like me it was never easy to make friends. Many acquaintances yes, but friends? It's only hard when we believe that we are not worthy to be loved or don't have anything worthy to give.
To be able to truly see and love other people, there's so way around it; we have to love ourselves. Only without the need to be approved, applauded and valuated we can truly see and love the other, everything else are, even if beautiful and romantic, trials.
In my 20's and 30's I always needed a drink before entering a party, it made me less self conscious. Then I focused on raising my son and was out of the scene. When he was gone, the big what the heck now? made me go on another vision quest. One of my fierce task later in the journey was adding new friends. I checked on old acquaintances who could be friends and asked women close to my vibe on social media on a coffee date. I created my own little Match Dot Angie.
The first seminar I ventured into was a group of writers, new and experienced, who I knew would all be much younger than me. Panic. On the way there I rattled down any empowerment mantra that could help to avoid soft knees when entering. I still had them but I didn't turn around. I really wanted to... I entered and the open arms and zero judgment of this group, especially not on my age was my first proof; I am what I think.
Three years later I am on the journey of making friends all over the world. People I vibe with immediately and people I find something in common with and be it as general as our love for life. We all have in common that we would like to be seen and understood. And I can only understand others when I take myself and my story out of the equation; in the now I'm okay, there's no story of mistakes, of not being good enough or what this person can be for me tomorrow. Being present means listening and responding with who truly am.
My fierceness is to be a self love warrioress every day; redefining my thoughts and reactions and keeping my eyes, my senses and my heart open, no excuses. No matter what it takes; morning pages, mantras, observation notes, burning sage or reminders in my IPhone; I will be true to my self and love the heck out of this world. At 12 noon my phone says: I am fearless.
Everybody has a different philosophy and understanding of self. For me I'm at midlife with 60, which means I have another 60 years to go. It really is a new start. We really are a new tribe; people with soul.
Another 60 years means many, many new friends, on which ever planet I will be.
Perhaps, when I'm 100 I've built the amazing new tribe living retreat in a beautiful country that's still sane, safe and if we're really lucky also unfettered by an overly anxious AI.
It might be on Mars and I really need my friends to come along with me:)