The fierceness of making new friends at midlife

"I don't want to move," he said, "it's too hard to make new friends." My son rejected an amazingly high paid job for one half the payday so that he can stay where he lives now. Also because he goes for his passion and not the bucks; I'm a proud mama, I trained him well.

Leaves me, what shall I do?

At a wise 27 my kid understands my hesitation to go on the big adventure I have in mind ripping me out off my real life social context and Los Angeles, the challenging city I learned to love. I'll always have my friends online, which really is what gave the idea wings in the first place. Still. I need the wind under those wings. So I ponder and wonder...

"Maybe it's different at your age," my son added, "you guys are creating a new empowered breed of people."

You are right, my beautiful old soul child, a mathematician who doesn't believe in souls; that everybody has a very unique essence is a conceot he would agree to. For me they are interchangeable.

We, the midlifers, boomers, formidable 40's, fierce 50's, sassy 60's and beyond are indeed creating a new empowered generation. We have to feel this confidence in our bones; we don't grow old, we grow. We are actively building a new paradigm, one, that hasn't been active in at least 2000 years; the new tribe for which we still have to find a name. I like the AGELESS, people who live in the now where time ceases to exist. Thanks to Eckard Tolle we all know the Now by now... It's a space without a defined space in which age truly is just a number. Where we arrive at us.

I always have been my own experiment. In the last year I used social media to create my ageless avatar of the ideal me;  the powerful, vibrant, funny, wise and inspiring woman with the child-like powers of play and curiosity. I'm getting closer to my vision with every Instagram post reaffirming it and with every - so important - real life action and baby step I am taking towards it. Like making new friends.

I had two enlightening Ahas about the stories many of us are stuck in.

1. I am too old for this.... was my excuse not to do certain things, an excuse I had used in one form or the other all my life dressed in different chatter; I'm too young, too fat, too under dressed, too shy, too loud, too cool, too lame.... It has nothing to do with age when we refuse to make steps or new friends or risk anything; it's fear. It always comes to fear or love in the end. At crossroads I took a couple fear based "safe" routes, which turned out to be tough challenges. Some of these decisions made me who I am today, no regrets, but some made me miss out on beauty and love.

2. It's hard to make new friends because.... for an introvert trying to be an extrovert like me it was never easy to make friends. Many acquaintances yes, but friends? It's only hard when we believe that we are not worthy to be loved or don't have anything worthy to give.

To be able to truly see and love other people, there's so way around it; we have to love ourselves. Only without the need to be approved, applauded and valuated we can truly see and love the other, everything else are, even if beautiful and romantic, trials.

In my 20's and 30's I always needed a drink before entering a party, it made me less self conscious. Then I focused on raising my son and was out of the scene. When he was gone, the big what the heck now? made me go on another vision quest. One of my fierce task later in the journey was adding new friends. I checked on old acquaintances who could be friends and asked women close to my vibe on social media on a coffee date. I created my own little Match Dot Angie.

The first seminar I ventured into was a group of writers, new and experienced, who I knew would all be much younger than me. Panic. On the way there I rattled down any empowerment mantra that could help to avoid soft knees when entering. I still had them but I didn't turn around. I really wanted to... I entered and the open arms and zero judgment of this group, especially not on my age was my first proof; I am what I think.

Three years later I am on the journey of making friends all over the world. People I vibe with immediately and people I find something in common with and be it as general as our love for life. We all have in common that we would like to be seen and understood. And I can only understand others when I take myself and my story out of the equation; in the now I'm okay, there's no story of mistakes, of not being good enough or what this person can be for me tomorrow. Being present means listening and responding with who truly am.

My fierceness is to be a self love warrioress every day; redefining my thoughts and reactions and keeping my eyes, my senses and my heart open, no excuses. No matter what it takes; morning pages, mantras, observation notes, burning sage or reminders in my IPhone; I will be true to my self and love the heck out of this world. At 12 noon my phone says: I am fearless.

Everybody has a different philosophy and understanding of self. For me I'm at midlife with 60, which means I have another 60 years to go. It really is a new start. We really are a new tribe; people with soul.

Another 60 years means many, many new friends, on which ever planet I will be.

Perhaps, when I'm 100 I've built the amazing new tribe living retreat in a beautiful country that's still sane, safe and if we're really lucky also unfettered by an overly anxious AI.

It might be on Mars and I really need my friends to come along with me:)

Beautiful celebration at milliner extraordinaire Louise Green in Los Angeles

How to make Instagram your Guru

Checking on our intentions before and after posting our pictures helps to clear our mind and soul from needs and wants and me-me-me...

Today, in my not very successful attempt to unclutter my physical stuff I found my Capoeira pants. They became my mantra of today; add action to my desires. Be fearless.

I overcame my resistance against the pain of picking up running again, got up from behind the computer and moved. My Ageless Rebel tank top help me feel even fiercer😎 To make a point I posted the picture on Instagram and Facebook.

Uncluttering my social media I asked myself, what's my true desire here, why am I posting this picture?

It is both, giving and receiving.

I want to inspire with being authentic and tell my truth even if it's not what everybody likes to hear. To empower other women with what I have to offer, means that I need to give what I'm truly passionate about, have experience with and am good at. To be real means my to add my challenges and pondering to my expertise.

I was always good at being a rebel for a cause; a better life for people and shelter dogs, women's rights and personal freedom. That's what I can give; my journey to my truth, which is a curious and adventurous process, standing up for what I feel is right, fair and just, and embodying who I really am, fearlessly.

I committed to say what I feel and wear what I want not restricted by ageism, political correctness or the need to be liked.

Letting go of the initial obsession with likes was a step to a new confidence.

I love the likes, don't get me wrong, comments are even better and when communication occurs that's grand. But I am not pleasing for likes.

By giving all of me without filter I receive clarity and motivation and the bonus that i eventually will be seen as who I truly am, by myself and my followers. 

I taught a friend what I know about Instagram and realized what an amazing journey this platform has offered to me and what a cool teacher my gallery has been; it became a clarity tool defining the depth of my understanding of "ageless"  and exploring my many personas; the fearless rebel and amazon, the silly teeny bopper and the embracing queen to name a few.  Posting my ideas leads me to my true passion and closer to my purpose. By picturing what I like to achieve, the ideal me, I became my own empowerment guru. Every vibrant and powerful presentation of my self gave me a push not just to show but also BE my avatar.

Remember the life coaching question "How to envision yourself in one year?" Instagram is perfect for that; how do you envision your day, what can you wear to show who you are and what inspiration, knowing or magic would you like to put out into the world today.... so much fierce goodness.

Questions to ask when going for truly authentic social media posts

1. Does this reflect who I truly am?

2. Does this bring me joy?

Am I doing this

3. to impress or to share an idea?

4. to get more followers or to entertain and uplift?

5. with likes in mind or what I truly like?

6. What does this matter to me?

7. Why will it matter to others?

8. What is the story I am telling?

9. What can I post to manifest the story I'd like to live now?

10. Who am I talking to?

11. What can I post that empowers me and my followers?

After posting check in

12. How does this make me feel?

12. Is this a gift to others or a "me me me" ?

13. Does this contain an insight?

14. Is this preaching or telling a story?

15. Does this cherish our journeys?

16. Would I send this to my best friend?

Can't you ever be normal?

I can take a picture at 9 am on a parking lot by my house, in dog walking clothes and no make up. I can be honest. Don't know if that's the typical "normal".

Vintage windows and doors masterfully transformed into magical art objects and hung onto smooth Adobe plastered walls had changed the ambiance of my art gallery in Portugal’s Algarve to a place a sorceress would thrive in.

My visiting dad who saw my gallery restaurant for the first time looked around raising his eyebrows just slightly, “Can’t you ever be normal?”

“One moment,” I rushed into the bathroom I had designed with ancient hand painted tiles collected for over a year.  All chairs in the gallery and restaurant were up-cycled cinema seats from a 60 year old movie theater my construction company had been contracted to tear down. The wooden double doors transformed the eccentric entrance to a “Sesame open” mystery, and the curved top on the rusty metal sheeted bar was carved by movie goers history. At night when the lights of the fountain reflected on the movie screen's enormous canvas spanning over my terrace it was like Buster Keaton coming alive.  It had been sad to tear the building down and delete its magical past but at least it’s décor survived through me.

Who wants to be freaking normal?

I stared into the baroque mirror saying "Algarcine" wondering how many beautiful women it had seen rearranging their hair and make up.  By now my tears had smeared the mascara.

I sighed and took a couple deep breaths. With the help of my organic hand made soap I looked okay again. I sometimes thought I’d never survive my dad’s judgments.

I was guilty of being a girl, not making my parents happy; I was a disappointment. I fought hard not to be. As a kid I tried to convince my dad that “just being a girl” was okay by turning my doll’s carrier upside down and playing car racing with its wheels, climbing up a wall of a 4 story house and reading wild west book sitting in trees with bow and arrows and my peace pipe. I chose horseback riding over ballet. It just gave my parents headaches and me the title of troublemaker. My attempts of being girly on the other hand were labeled “sissy, touchy, whiny; too sensitive."

No, I wasn’t normal. Normal was fitting the norm, be content in the beige box and never questioning anything. It meant to accept whatever is; to behave like sheep. Life wasn't fair to many people how could I not talk back?

I will never ever be normal, dad. My first word was no, remember?

I had build my construction company from a crew of 5 guys, a pick up truck and a concrete mixer to a company with office, secretary, engineers, power tools and big trucks. I had supervised a dozen villas, build my own house, a 7 apartment mini compound, my restaurant and art gallery. I went with my head though the wall to get here; I was a fierce and successful woman because I did not accept the norm. My inner rebel was born from pain but afforded me beautiful high heels of empowerment.

Where I saw a fighter for justice my dad saw disobedience. I was still the troublemaker; not up to the regular standard as in not married and my own boss.

I had bought him a golden watch from my first profit. “Oh gawd, another watch?” he said opening the elegantly wrapped package. The bracelet alone was worth more than the three watches he was referring too. A golden watch wasn’t normal either. He did not want it.

Far away from him on the other side of the ocean I continued proving myself in Santa Fe, NM and Los Angeles, CA; making money and losing it all. Creating success again with my event planning company and giving it up when my dad was dying. For a decade I squeezed myself into the role of an employee with the most relentless boss. Making myself small nearly physically killed me and I have been reanimating my suffocated soul for the last three years.

Now I might have to leave Los Angeles, the town of mostly fallen angels that became my challenge and my home. Los Angeles in its eccentricity and stark contrasts is a Gemini town; a manifestation of my brokenness as much as my creativity, inner beauty and sassy style.

I can’t leave her, can I?

Los Angeles is a city of Hollywood dreams but also needy and opportunistic where people don't look at you but at what you can do for them.

I can leave that with great joy.

I don't know how to decide though and checked in with an old friend, my twin in painful childhood experiences.  I had not talked to him for a year. He answered immediately in a new tone; a raw, honest and deep listening vibe from a Leo who had been too protected to be vulnerable, who was always expecting praise for his radiance. He had been humbled by love. After years of being a lonesome Leo mirroring my own life of the lonesome tigress he had surrendered to a woman and was stabbed in the back by her leaving him right after his birthday.

The love experience though opened his whole being; after his 6 decades of life he had entered the beauty of vulnerability. Back to the practices of the spiritual warrior he is turning his experience into calm, confident, loving power.

He wrote, “I feel desperation in what you do."

"One moment." I walked into my bathroom and stared into the huge mirror covering half of its wall. I wiped the tears off my face. It was midnight, and as I was ready for bed there was no makeup that could smear. I don't have organic soap these days I use coconut oil to clean my face.

I took one deep breath and let it enlighten me: I was still desperately trying to convince the world that I was good enough. I was rebelling against the unfairness of the Universe not having my back, like my dad. I was fighting for approval. I protected myself from the possibility of being a disappointment.

"Remember?" said the little voice, " you can see things differently"

Despite all his harshness my dad also had my back. He hugged me without saying a word when I sobbed after losing my virginity, he felt that there was something wrong while my mother yelled I should control myself. Shut up, he told her at least this once. He let me go to college against my mother's will. He let me borrow money buying my first house. He didn't say a word about me deciding to be a single mother and financed my son's college.

"Can't you ever be normal?" What I hear today underneath his tough, direct and often unforgiving ways is “You don’t have to prove anything.” Be you, be natural, not the eccentric personas you make up.

I don’t have to be the toughest chick in town. I don't need applause or approval.

Most of all I don't need to protect myself from being hurt. It already happened and I survived. If I fear to be a disappointment I will create it or I'll be too paralyzed to manifest the opposite.

Being vulnerable is freedom.

I found my very own "normal", dad; to be sweet and sensitive, fierce and powerful, sentimental, romantic and crazily eccentric as long as it is truly me and untouched by agendas and fears.

My last word is Yes to all I am, naturally.

Social media is amazing to check up on our selves, what are the intentions when we post our pics and quotes and tips? How does that reflect on how we live our lives? I talked to a friend of mine and she has done the same thing; I post something I am passionate about but it gets half the likes I usually get. So I take it off, I'm not vibing with the taste of others.

But it's me, so next time it'll stay (I feel so empowered now)

Uncluttering our agendas

Questions to ask when going for truly authentic social media posts

1. Does this reflect who I truly am?

2. Does this bring me joy?

Am I doing this

3. to impress or to share an idea?

4. to get more followers or to entertain and uplift?

5. with likes in mind or what i truly like?

6. What does this matter to me?

7. Why will it matter to others?

8. Is this a gift or a "me me me" ?

9. Does this contain an insight?

10. Does this cherish my friends?

11. Does this feel like a dance or a fight?

12. Would I send this to my best woman friend?

Stay Wild Moon Child

Bridging the Gap; when Midlifers meet Millennials magic happens. At least in our case, join me meeting Lilach Avissar, the creative force behind Spirit Nest.

“Got that whole magic driven, gypsy warrior, soul witch bitch type of vibe.”

Wow, how cute is this? I had to have this t-shirt. My day had been packed with clients’ requests and business stuff. Instagram gave me the gift of magic; a big sigh from my heart interrupting my “normal.” Yes!! I had that soul witch bitch type of vibe, a vibrant mix of soulful yearning and rebellious, slightly guilty "I know, I stood up for myself. I'm such a bitch."

My magical life hack via Instagram came from Lilach Avissar, the creative force behind Spirit Nest, a vibrant, smart and mystical Xennial, who travels the world mostly for business and creates fashion accessories and inspirational tees.

We connected when she posted my picture in a top she designed and didn’t say, “You look good for your age.” I felt accepted in a gang of creative, edgy, wild and magical women who could all be my daughters. They wear the pink and bright red hair I will have the guts to experiment with, maybe, one day. One of the things I love about having lived for a couple decades is the power to do what we want now without apologizing to society’s expectations, to discover our true selves and embody them. Witchy, bitchy magical designs are part of it.

Like an Avatar, Lilach's beautiful creations on one of her beautiful clients.

Fashion at it’s best is the expression of our mood and at it’s arty amazingness it shows the vibe of our souls.

I use myself as the canvas for my soul. Lilach paints on real canvas and creates designs that tickle women’s truth.

Lilach graduated from a prestigious design academy as an illustrator and a collage artist. She worked as a textile designer for big global companies for years. Both experiences were of the harsher kind. Her “bitter art teachers” were “miserable and corrupted, they enjoyed abusing their students daily, put them down and not even in a constructive manner… It really made me lose all faith in all the academy structure, and it took me around 5 years to get the academy toxics out of my system, and go back to painting and designing, “ she explains her path.

My own college time was one of the amazing periods of my life; the flair of the revolutionary 60’s was still very much around in the seventies, which was “my” era. The political upheavals as much as our amazingly creative life style rebellion uplifted my spirits and shook my middle class upbringing, a mindset I never had liked or understood. Freedom had been a treasured desire and I manifested it by being the tough chick who gets what she wants; including my businesses. When women succeed they are often judged as elbowing their way to success.

Lilach and I simply did what came natural to us as free spirited women.

On a house boat she surprised her husband with in Amsterdam.

Her fierce desire to be free of her academic experience brought her to be the innovative artist she is today.

We both fought ourselves out of the restrictions of our experiences, be it parents, mindsets or horrible bosses. I opened my first business like Lilach with 30, but other than her who’s journey had gone through gruesome work situations I experienced the suffocation employment can cause only at 50. I crushed my success making a huge stock market mistake. For a decade I suffered a boss who showed me at every corner that, even if I had climbed up her ladder, I “wasn’t good enough.”
Lilach’s words could have been mine:” My last boss was such a terrible narcissist, that Meryl Streep in the “devil wears Prada” seemed like Mahatma Gandhi next to her. But I understand that I had to go through those hardships to find my self and to deeply appreciate own professional path.”

It is often proposed that Midlifers have the wisdom of experience to share and Millennials or Xennials share the vibrancy of new ideas and their unafraid twin-like existence with technology. When we go a little deeper and look into the others eyes though, the gateway to our ageless souls, there’s often so much more.

We are mirrors for each other.  The so-called randomness of encounters really is an attraction of souls, connections that make sense and awaken and reawaken us, sometimes it’s just a tiny wink and sometimes a revelation.

Deep listening is an art.  Being aware of what other human beings, the good and the bad, show us about ourselves is an amazing skill.

When Lilach and I went on Zoom for a couple hours her day had been packed with clients’ requests and business stuff.

Like her design had hacked my routine a year ago I hacked her day rekindling her desire to dive back into the world of design and create more than spread sheets and organize sales.  Even when she likes the marketing aspect of her business she’s the true artist longing for the play with forms and colors.

I am very curious what she comes up with next.

Her first company, Alpha Gypsy started with her love of scarves.

At the time she was an avid scarves collector who, when temperatures dropped happily and immediately wrapped herself up.

From the artistic aspect scarves are like canvases but she found “what’s unique about them is when it’s wrapped, the scarves both reveal and hide, in different manners, the artwork that’s printed on them.“

You can’t live of scarves alone and together with her tech savvy husband Tomer, they created Spirit Nest, expanding into Tee shirts, jewelry, organic cosmetics, gorgeous altar items; the ingredients for a magical life.

I feel that adding ritual back into our daily routine is how we expand our lives into deeper beauty and reveal deeper levels of our selves.

Lilach’s August 13 birthday astrology predicts that she is a passionate and idealistic Leo, radiant like the sun and with a bunch of drive and ambition. Maybe that’s how we got to talk to each other like soul sisters; I’ve got a Leo moon and “know” her on a deeper level. My Scorpio sun feels at home in her mystical designs, I love it all; the gypsy, the moon child, the fairy…

Lilach is shy, no wonder she wraps herself in luxurious scarves. But even when we both feel like introverts there’s an ancient and undeniable warrioress power we own and step into every day a little more.

Who we surround ourselves with is part of our soul’s make up; I meet more and more strong, confident, uniquely beautiful warrior type women, Lilach’s clientele is creative, edgy, wild and free, a daily reminder of her truth even when business takes her over.

When I was into architectural, interior designs and landscaping during my construction business and art gallery years I walked around my house like in a trance, “receiving” the designs I then applied.

Lilach owns a collection of images she loves, mostly of the retro and mystical kind. Meditation about and around them though is the main source of her inspirations. It can take a long time of spiritual and intellectual work and tossing of drawings before a new design is born. But the most successful designs, she said, flew in “just like that.” She created “Stay wild, Moon child,” in the spirit of a moment and it became the bestseller of Spirit Nest.

We met in the magic and mystery of ancient archetypes and the promises they make for a life that’s as earthy as it is metaphysical.

In all our similarities there is a difference that became an important reminder to me; there is a “young” innocence and trust in love and the magic of relationships, which we sometimes lose when memories of mistakes we made or pain we let other people inflict upon us cloud our perception.

Meeting Lilach means to me to be open to magic, on ALL levels, to not just be the Warrioress Queen I call my essence but to also embody her fierce believe in “everything is possible.” Even romantic love.

What would I advice a Millenial?

Stay wild, Moon Child.

Are you part of the ageless generation? Test it.

“Ageless rebels step out of age, gender, and race, and join in tribes of passionate mindsets, facing this adventurous experiment called life with joy.
”

— From the Ageless Rebel Planner

What's so cool about this threat of being called "OLD" is that it is a wake up call. Swear a little bit, stomp your foot and say NO. Discover your true power. I am happy to help.

In my next post I'll transform every judgment and nasty prediction of ageism into it's opposite, a power. But today I'd like you to play with me, do a little test and smile.

I love playful discoveries of who I am, I'm talking to my deeper self via astrology, Tarot cards and let people and situation mirror my inner turmoil of amazingness and doubts.

Tests though are simply fun.

ARE YOU PART OF THE AGELESS GENERATION?

Your sofa is best described as:

a) Huge, 10 years old, with velvet upholstery. b) Up-cycled from a tiki bar near your flat. c) A two-seater with floral loose covers.

When you want to relax after a day at work, your top option is:

a) Netflix binge, obviously. b) Going out. It's a bit tricky to kick back in a flatshare with five other people. c) Popping a DVD into the player and enjoying a glass of wine.

You want to redecorate. First, you:

a) Get on Pinterest and start pinning deep, dark-blue kitchens. b) Get on Pinterest and dream of one day owning your own home. c) Why would you decorate? You had that done when you moved in.

Your favourite cookbook is by:

a) Yottam Ottolenghi. You're thinking of going vegan, or at least demi-vegie. b) Gwyneth Paltrow. She's so beautiful. c) Margaret Fulton. Utterly reliable.

Your ideal romantic break is:

a) An Airbnb in a city you've never visited before. Or Byron Bay – the noisy bit. b) An Airbnb in a city you've never visited before. Or Byron Bay – the quiet bit. c) A five-star country hotel, though cruises are starting to look appealing

You can't live without:

a) Your iPhone. b) Your mates. c) Your osteopath.

Mainly a) You are a perennial, of course – engaged, adventurous and tech-savvy.

Mainly b) You're a true millennial – but you share a lot of interests and attitudes with the new mid-lifers.

Mainly c) You're embracing traditional middle age. The only perennials you're interested in are in your garden. The rest, frankly, sounds quite tiring.

Test by The Sydney Morning Herald

Not every midlife doll dabbles in Dior.

I went to an upscale supermarket today. A midlife lady behind sliced cheese wrapped in plastic offers tastes. She doesn't smile.
I taste one because I wasn't in a great mood either. I was in a "eff effing diets" mood. Mmh, this little square on a tooth pick was good. Cheesy with herbal overtones... "Kosher," she throws at me with a smokey voice. "Glutenfree."
Her face says: I could care less...
I try the one with Wasabi, girl that's good. I mean, plastic fantastic cheese on the warm, fresh baked baguette which had just landed in my cart? Heaven, yes. French culture meets American cheese perversion. I love contrast.
Yes. I take a pack.
I really am in that mood.
"Congrats," she says, "Its Mel Gibson's favorite."
I nearly tossed it back into her basket.
Why would she think mentioning the right wing womanizing weirdo would impress me?
I look at her again. 50+ maybe 60? She has the typical casual class Malibu touch...Mel lived in Malibu for years. Perhaps she hung out at parties with the guy. I felt tempted to spin a story of how this once rich Malibu woman lost it all...and has to sell cheese.
Okay. I keep the 12 wasabi spiced thin slices.
I would be smile devoid, detached too. I would feel embarrassed. Who wants to sell cheese in general - but at midlife ? With Mel Gibson as a tagline?
One of my anti ageist story ideas is to apply for jobs and only reveal my age when arriving at the interview. I thought of applying for hostess at Moby's vegan "Little Pine" as it's around my corner and he's an "advanced" human. Would he accept a sassy 60?
Then I actually imagined working there, serving the Millenial scene and - I freaked out. OMG. Please don't let me ever have to do this. At 60.
I stuffed myself with the plastic fantastic cheese and the gorgeous baguette. I don't know if I'm in a cheese trance but I wanna run back and hug this woman.
Lesson: not everybody has a supportive hubby, the inheritance of a dead hubby or lucrative divorces and abundant funds from wherever.
Not every midlife woman dabbles in Dior.
Let's all support each other so that at this time of our lives we don't have to sell cheese in a supermarket.

How to add magic back into your life with daily ritual

The power of ritual

Invite magic back into your life.

“A ritual "is a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, and objects, performed in a sequestered place, and performed according to set sequence.” Wikipedia.

What do you feel when you hear the word ritual? I see deep, dark medieval rites, atonement, purification, mystery schools and women tribes dancing. You might see your kids graduation or wedding. What they have in common is that they create a sacred space in sacred time. They celebrate and initiate a new beginning.

Using rituals to make the world a more magical place is an ancient tradition in many cultures; when we create our own we connect to its power and invite magic back into our lives.

The power of rituals is to give new meaning to time and space. It’s a hack of normalcy; we step out of the mundane to experience a deeper side of self, to think, feel, see and act with a refreshed perspective.

I use my morning ritual to invite my soul to show up, she is my essence and knows my voice. As I’m a rebel I don’t listen all the time but when I create my goals with my soul it’s like a bell ringing it my head: they are clear, honest and so much more powerful.

Sacred space, sacred time

Rituals can get us to see everyday things in a new way.

Amidst the ordinary we create a scared space that’s just for us. We adorn it with items that have a special meaning or we give a special purpose. We carve out precious time to be with our selves and make it sacred by allowing ourselves to be truly present and open to listen to our deeper wisdom.

Our space is doubt free and we can let go of judgments be it the mistake we made yesterday or the seriously crazy vision we have for our future. It’s a beautiful shiny bubble, which shuts off the shatter of the world and all its demands. The only person that matters here is you and that is totally okay. Be open, be weird; be free of everything you think you know.

To get to the deeper self, we use sound, fragrance, meditation, painting, writing or dance. You can also dig holes in the garden or throw knifes and darts; just let go of “adulting” and play. Much of who we truly are is hidden in our inner child and she doesn’t listen if we don’t enter her playground.

Women are life-givers and ritual helps us give life to our true selves.

The time and effort are totally worth it. It took me a whole year to let go of my limiting beliefs. I was onto them like a fierce warrior but it was my ritual that finally softened my stubbornness. Always the go-getter, the tough chick, I found my feminine beauty and softness in my morning ritual.

We see ourselves in a new light and that changes our perspective of the world. She’s so much nicer when we are in peace with our selves.

Rituals can make us feel in a new way.

When I sacralize the “normal” I feel like a sorceress adorning my little temple of creation, even in pajamas.

I find morning rituals the most important, if you can spare 30 minutes to honor your Self do it in the morning.

It’s a fresh start, a new day to manifest who you really are. Not being immediately distracted by chores and need to you might even remember a cool dream that sets the tone of your day…

Should you not be a happy little camper when you wake up but your first though it OMG, all that crap I have to do, remember that you have the power to change your feelings about anything.

It’s a decision WE make in every second of your days and especially when we start the day. We create the filter through which we see life and how we react to the uncool stuff is our choice; let it scratch, stumble or poison you or wash over you like a lukewarm shower.

After brainstorming your raw, unfiltered feelings in the morning you use them to consciously re-write your story: you transform every negative into it’s positive, turning your crap into gold. You find a yes in every grumpy no and a powerful no in every wimpy yes. It’s a willful act, which usually meets resistance and doubt but writing it down will make a point.

Morning rituals turn you into the director of your movie in which you and your soul buddy are the heroines.

In the Ageless Rebel Planner we’ve got a treasure chest, where you can chose your tools; your mantras and affirmations. With them you create how you want to feel.

Rituals can make us do things in a new way.

Your morning ritual is a powerful tool to set the tone of your day; it’s getting your bow ready to shoot your manifesting arrows into your life.

What is your goal this week? For your body, mind, soul and spirit?

Why does this matter to you? Find and own your honest motivation. Don’t judge, if you want to be filthy rich it doesn’t have to feel filthy and if your heart yearns for the prince on a black stallion it’s not kitsch. It just has to be you and not a voice from the past and somebody else’s message.

Your truth will change what you go after and how you do it.

Hand writing your goals is a proven psychological tool that gives you deeper clarity and also helps you to commit.

After you decide on your goals and mantras don’t hesitate to set reminders in your smart phone:

I am courage. I can see things differently. I am open to receive…

Repetition is the key to rewiring your brain.

It can make you feel like a trainer of a wild animal and really it’s not too far from it. I even plan my rewards for being a good girl or not taking any bull. 

Telling our brain over and over again that we are fearless, relevant or wise, a Goddess or an Amazone will convince it of our new truth. Reward: a new neuro pathway to success.

Envisioning your future as if it were already here makes your brain believe in it, it doesn’t know which image is real and which is fantasy.

“Frame your day or it will frame you
AW Quote”

Create your very personal morning and evening ritual

Preparation

Choose a space where you will be undisturbed

What is the theme of your week?

Clarify a problem?

Finding a solution to an issue?

Manifesting a goal?

Create your mantra

Create your sacred space:

Discover what your theme resonates with using astrology, which colors, animal spirits, artwork, charms or power objects…

Connect to ancient knowing with archetypes; evoke goddess energy, the wisdom of a sage or poet, the magic of a sorceress or ancestor using sound (drum, bells, chimes, song…) divination (tarot cards, runes, spells)

Surround yourself with the items that lift your spirits, support your goals and create your NOW; light candles or diffuse organic oils like frankincense, lavender, rosemary or sage.

The night before:

In your dark and clutter free bedroom ask any important questions you might have.

Declare your expectation of a creative, vibrant morning.

Set your clock 30 minutes to an hour earlier than your regular wake up time, let it wake you up with a song that makes your heart fly or your feet dance.

EVERY SINGLE DAY

RE-CAP of some of your options

1.   Soul

o   Music

o   Dance

o   Candles

o   Diffuse essential oils, burn sage

o   Journaling

o   Drawing, doodling, painting

o   Visualize the mantra of the week

o   Let your dreams speak to you

o    

2.   Spirit

o   Affirmations

o   Meditation

o   Spinning

o    

3.   Mind

o   Meditate

o   Read

o   Mind map

o   Planning

o    

4.   Body

o   Rub ice into your face

o   Stretch, Jump rope, rebounder, push-ups, planks

o   Breathe & Shake

o   Water with Lemon, Aloe Vera Juice, Green Smothie

o   Nourish your body with a healthy breakfast

“Shake your body and your mind will follow
AW”

Your whole body vibration plate is a cool and easy way to let go of body, mind and spirit tensions. Get one here and smile again.

Two beautiful mantras as a sweet gift for your week

I AM …. (beauty, courage, forgiveness, young, love, compassion, now, my ageless essence)

I am open to give and receive what empowers me to own my (beauty…)

Connect with us in the Ageless Rebellion on Facebook.

And - the Ageless Rebel Planner is a beautiful sidekick to manifest self love and the life you’ll love.

http://amzn.to/2pzWptX

Cute little tidbit:

We went to the Orgeon Wilderness and camped in the middle of nowhere. Cut off from tech and city noise is an amazing path to rejuvenation of our senses. Get a tiny tent that doesn't weigh much and pops up in a couple minutes.

We are amazing in our nastiness

The words memorial and memories were still in the air during my morning ritual today. After exercising some heartfelt compassion for everybody who had to take part in wars all over the world I thought of war without guns; the fight for freedom women went through for thousands of years.

Oppress what threatens you is a millennia-old game; our female virtues, love, compassion, caring and understanding were deprecated, passion vilified and our amazing power to give life was beaten into us as a duty, and our only value. The dark ages were pretty damn dark for everybody but especially gruesome for women and in that respect they lasted much longer than history accounts for.

With a few lucky exceptions women didn’t have any rights as respected members of society for centuries.

Famous philosopher Aristotle propagated that women were evil, disorderly, "utterly useless and caused more confusion than the enemy." Because of this, Aristotle thought keeping women separate from the rest of the society was an enlightening idea.

1200 AD theologian Jacques de Vitry described women as being "slippery, weak, untrustworthy, devious, deceitful and stubborn" - just to name two influential men shaping the opinion of their time.

The “weak and irrational” female had to be controlled; our fathers and husbands would keep us silent and powerless. We were disregarded in the worst ways, abducted or sold to men “in marriage”, raped and insulted on all human levels; worldwide slaves.

The most obvious hands-on control was the practice of foot binding in China, which literally crippled women’s activities from the tenth to the early 20th century.

Suppression was, with a few exceptions like Spartan and Viking women, rampant in the ancient world and later fortified by the story of Adam and Eve; an interpretation painting Eve as the disobedient, lustful heretic who was to be punished forever after.

That we are nasty and worthless is deeply ingrained in our genes.

"Yes," she said, "I'll join you." And then sat back on her chair in front of the biker shop waiting for her bike to be repaired.

But in our shared cosmic data bank are also stories of matriarchal societies, goddesses and Amazones; a rich passionate world of female power mostly described as myth.

There are those few who were revered, like priestesses and oracles and those incredibly brave who resisted, who wanted their freedom no matter what.

Rebel queens and conniving noble women, women fighters and beautiful tricksters, educated courtesans and fierce prostitutes left fear and shame aside and took what was not given freely. Autonomy. Their self worth was defined by rebellion.

Medicine women, witches and sorceresses, artists and gypsies, wild women and troubairitz, many of them punished for standing up for their beliefs are the colorful and fierce minority keeping our true female heritage alive.

From Hildegard von Bingen’s mystical writing to Elizabeth Cady Stanton who wrote the "Women’s Bible," or Wild West Rebel Helen Jackson who stirred up public outrage with "A Century of Dishonor", her book about the mistreatment of Native Americans, the occasional poet and writer brought light into the mess of their societies. 

Many of them are forgotten. Their resistance is barely talked about.

Remembering, honoring and celebrating our history is part of our power.

We also have the memories of our greatness in our genes.

Let's celebrate our foremothers. And remember that this was just about 150 years ago

"Stanton’s version read, “The history of mankind is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations on the part of man toward woman, having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over her. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.” Then it went into specifics:

• Married women were legally dead in the eyes of the law
• Women were not allowed to vote
• Women had to submit to laws when they had no voice in their formation
• Married women had no property rights
• Husbands had legal power over and responsibility for their wives to the extent that they could imprison or beat them with impunity
• Divorce and child custody laws favored men, giving no rights to women
• Women had to pay property taxes although they had no representation in the levying of these taxes
• Most occupations were closed to women and when women did work they were paid only a fraction of what men earned
• Women were not allowed to enter professions such as medicine or law
• Women had no means to gain an education since no college or university would accept women students
• With only a few exceptions, women were not allowed to participate in the affairs of the church
• Women were robbed of their self-confidence and self-respect, and were made totally dependent on men

Excerpt from:
Elizabeth Stanton's Declaration of Sentiments

For more detailed information:

The woman’s bible

Women’s rights

Female outlaws

We are the mothers of sons who become men we (dis) like

"If you don't sit still, you'll get it! You know that, damned." The boy sat up, straight like a little soldier, hands on the table, eyes wide open. The dad who reprimanded his son did not loosen up, his stern face seemed frozen. The mom batted her eyes.

That was just a week ago, in a cute cafe frequented by modern couples in a gentrified LA neighborhood.

The responsibility to change the world lies in us parents and it starts with the babies in our wombs.

Today it's about the boys who might become men ruling our societies on the side of women and their moms who have the power to let them be all they are, embracing both their male and female virtues.

Men still have the power in our patriarchal societies but that doesn't mean that they "deserve" it as just, balanced, compassionate and fair kings. They have an ancient history of being screwed up as human beings. Those who break through and welcome their feminine sides are as adorable as women gaining their strength. We as mothers have the power to let them be Yin and Yang right from the start.

Undeserved power, entitlement and arrogance has unnerved me for decades, brutality and ruthlessness got me rallied up too often. I hated what I felt I had no power over. I'm still not physically stronger than most men or became a senator to change the world but lots has changed not just in me but in society. I was an emotional rebel princess on the pea, now I am a passionate rebel queen. But it's not about revenge; it's about using the fire of our anger to light up feminine qualities in everybody.

More and more women find empowerment in self love, and the world sees women rising everywhere.

This new confidence of women, our powerful inner warrioress,  supported by the fierce ladies before us who have fought for the simplest human rights to be extended to us, like wearing pants or voting, is our chance. It is our answer to the many outcries of "Mother Earth".

The male qualities in us give us the strength to stand up for the power of female qualities in our boys.

I offered my son Kung Fu and dance classes, cooking and fencing, an art and a math tutor. He played Halo and collected swords but also had a couple Barbies. Which, I must admit were never a success. I suspect I really bought those for myself. I let him decide for himself and asserting his vision of life as much as encouraging him to cry and to ask for help. He came out sweet, loving and strong, he would be the balanced ruler I'd endorse.

We are the women who create the men we love.

When we put "fem the future" on our banners, many reacted with "but we need men".  The fear that women lust for competition and revenge is often immediate but ruling as women means valuing love, compassion and understanding. We don't want to be right, better and more repressive. We don't want to smack men, we want to lift them up; the divine masculine is as cool as the divine feminine. It's the value in both we're after and balancing it in perfect Yin and Yang. We vote for integration not segregation.

It's all about balance.

The word "educare" carries the message: it means to train, and "educere" means to lead out. We train body, mind, soul and spirit and lead to knowledge, which again is both, the inner knowing and the outer knowledge.

We have nine months to think balanced thoughts and feel the appreciation of this beautiful planet and all its inhabitants, which we'd intend for our children to embody. What an amazing time to grow for both, mom and kid.

Most women know unconditional love at least at the moment they give birth to a child. That's a power worth cultivating and putting on a pedestal. When we let go of how we were told to mold our kids but instead listen and feel them and open the world to their uniqueness we are using this power wisely. We draw out who they are not squeeze in our preconceived notions of who we think they should be. We offer them the perfect environment in which to grow, like a flower wanting the right mix of sun, shade, soil and water. Inner nature is in tune with outer nature. Perfection in it's weird way also includes the imperfect, the glitches and challenges through which mom and son will grow.

Be vulnerable, baby boy. It's an asset not a weakness.

Cry, it's a gift not a demise.

Dress up, enjoy pretty stuff, paint pretty pictures, dance and nurture your puppy. It's cool to enjoy style and amazing to "mother" what you love.

Seriously, don't we adore men with compassion and style? I certainly do.

We let our boys have their super powers but also the magical powers of witches who brew strange potions in cauldrons.

We offer them experiences and things without wrapping them into judgment, we let them decide for themselves. We trust their innate amazingness. (and nudge them a little if needed)

The order to be manly is as suffocating as being reduced to Barbie. The answer lies in opening all doors, making all feelings available from being powerful to being vulnerable.

Let tough and teasing be cruel feats from the past and no sensitive kid or journalists in wheel chairs will be bullied anymore.

Super girls and super boys will create their world in balance with their powerful and magical souls.

Moms to the rescue.

Ageless RSS

Gosh, I love my Ego

Follow the signs

Gatherings, meet ups, mixers, networking parties: great opportunities fly into my mail box every week. I yearn for connection. I want to meet my tribe, my team. Yes, I sign up. Thanks for the invite. When the date arrives interesting things happen each time: my dog coughs, I can't leave her alone. I need to respond to all these emails and it's too late to go. The power dress I wanted to wear has a stain!!! I am suddenly so tired, I have to sit down...

So I don't go.

Most probably it won't be great anyway and the people talk blah or are full of themselves. I will be bored. It's LA, everybody wants something, everybody has an agenda. How many times did I see eyes glaze over at Hollywood parties when I revealed that I wasn't a producer, casting agent or influential somebody behind the scenes? The worst was a book release party recently; first the writer who had personally invited me, didn't even notice the birthday present I brought her and basically ignored me. I already bought her book. I didn't have a podcast. When I walked through the dark, dingy rock'n roll space where people chatted eye in eye, sipped on their beer or stared at video screens nobody noticed me. Not one glance of acknowledgement. I was a ghost. The surreal feeling of being utterly invisible made me run back to my car. The party wasn't good? asked the valet. No. It was gruesome. I felt gruesome.

We are all burnt kids and let passed experience structure our Now. Experience follows expectations. 

I tried to convince myself halfheartedly; letting go of the past didn't help. Sent my ego to Mars wasn't quite working. The mantra of "just give" felt silly. The problem was that I wasn't ready. I didn't have anything to show, tell or give. What if people asked what I do? I'm developing things? That's lame.

I should make this time really productive instead. I'll write. I'll finish a chapter. I'll be somebody to reckon with in no time. You'll see.

I flip through my notes: When you are really passionate about something, you do it, no matter what. You don't just try - you don't run the other way when it gets uncomfortable. My notes don't lie. My notes actually slap my face. My kickass tagline is "summon your powers."

I yearn for connection. I want to meet my tribe, my team.

When I wake up 5 minutes later I am in the car. No prettying up, no endless rummaging through the wardrobe. My powers summoned me; I don't even know how I got behind the wheel. Just drive! At least I'm wearing my tiger booties.

Manhattan Beach is far and it's stress time on the 105. I make it just in time. Proudly, as I was always the one who came late to control the situation. The first person I run into into is model-gorgeous host Alicia Dunams. Damn, I should have done my doll up... She's sweet and has her arms wide open. Okay, so I don't have to look like a socialite. Nice. Maybe this is not like those other times. I had uncluttered part of my life, bye bye negative mirror people, and was practicing to be receptive for the positive stuff of life for weeks.

A couple dozen people hang out in the slick little conference room of the Shade hotel, busy talking, laughing, hugging. Nothing changes when I enter. No ripple of my presence makes them look up. God, I knew it. It's the same thing like always. I don't know anybody, I am on my own, nobody sees me.

Hey, so nice you could come!! I feel manly arms reaching out from a polished black and freshly pressed jacket pulling me onto an impressive chest: the featured author of the night came over to greet me. Chris Lee?  Swell to meet you. I read your book... (half) giving, integrity, great concepts...

Happiness is to give what you love about yourself. (from my first snap chat ever)

When he's onto the next happy attendant, I hold my breath - and there's Nadine taking his place. A sparkling girl under 30. She wants to know who I am. She could be my daughter but age has disappeared. She looks at me and sees me. Her integrity sits on her sleeves. When somebody connects with our essence, nothing else matters; it's a fearless, ageless, timeless space. When somebody sees us for who we are time does not exist, all there is is Now. Very cool, Eckhard, I got it.

Life's a lab with lots of experiments which can go right or wrong. Who cares. The important thing is to observe, be vigilant and learn.

Chris Lee involves the group with questions: what are you grateful for, what do you take for granted. I got a brain freeze. I plan to be on a TED stage next year and watch myself puzzled: I feel fear to speak up. I'm afraid of judgments. I'm too different. Ego. Control. Critique. Help. This can't be happening.

Chris looks at me. Smiles sweetly. "What are you proud of?" 

"That I brought my son through college. After he left it took me three years to get over myself but I finally quit that survival job which killed my spirit. I do what I love to do. I write. My book title says it all: from grumpy bitch to happy witch..."

There it was. It was out there. My truth of the moment.

Applause, laughter. They all seem to find this very cool. Great title, Alicia says.

They heard me. The door was open: I watched myself letting go of judgments. I let the moments of "really?" melt away when grandiose statements filled the room: I am the master of manifesting, I am the best communicator, my visions change the world... Nope, they weren't full of it. People shared what they are without pride or agenda, just bathing in their happiness and realizations. If people are mirrors I am all that?

Nadine, like me, just jumped into the unknown to follow her deepest desire. There's no chatter in my head anymore. I listen to her story completely present. I love how brave she is. Nadine takes a video of us and posts my first snap chat. My authentic happy, giggly self bursts out of my smile. I look at the picture and am so excited that this is me.

What I went away with is:

Follow the signs. When we have a deep desire and life answers with an invitation we better have our eyes open and take it. Life's a box of chocolates...

To be open is the vibe to walk with. Watch and learn, watch and let go of our bull. Constantly, instantly. When we expect people to be full of it, we are full of it: of expectations, judgments and fear. Our beliefs are our prisons; the prison is safe but the world outside is so much more exciting.

It is much more rewarding to be interested in people then hoping that people are interested in me.

Giving is an expression of self love. We do not need a finished website, business plan, books and million dollar businesses to be somebody. We don't need to give money, connections, stuff.  We are good enough. When we give what we love about ourselves we light the fire in others. In others we see a different us; doors open and the world looks different.

It's like holding a flashlight into the Quantum soup and seeing a reality that was always there and the flashlight is - our uncluttered self.

Without uncluttering our beliefs, our reality won't change.

We are living, breathing projectors of our inner movies. If you want to see a comedy rather than a drama you better make up your mind.

Nadine is my muse of May; a girl with her heart wide open. She held up the coolest mirror and invited me to see my sleeping beauty. The grumpy bitch is dead. Long live the happy witch.

What can I give to you?

I realized I was fierce

“Life: “Don’t put your feet on my table!”
Ageless Rebel: “Put your feet where they want to be.””

People sometimes thought of me as a trouble maker. My parents were upset when I turned my doll's stroller into a brick carrying truck with 5, my family was shocked when I went to college against my mother's will with 18, my friends adored me when I left Germany with 25 to seek adventures in France and Portugal. I became a tough business chick, was well of for a while and played the stock market till I was broke - and all that on high heels or cowgirl boots.

I was a fighter. Nothing came easy and I behaved like Sarah Connor without the gun. I actually loved shooting cans with my antic Spanish rifle, ah, the power of the bang, the fierceness of Anne Oakley.

Everything was about making it, proving myself, being somebody. And I totally winged it; I opened a construction company and a restaurant in Portugal without a clue what was expected of me. You learn while doing; you fake it to make it. I showed them. I might be blonde but I'm tough.

My inner warrior girl me took to what she wanted.

Unfortunately stomping your foot doesn't help if you believe that you don't really deserve the result, and what we fight for can be lost five minutes later.

"Can't you ever be normal?"

"No, dad, why don't you see how cool I am?" 

He couldn't. So I moved even further away. I put my naked feet on the floor of an art therapy college in Santa Fe and learned to cry. Life was hard, my dad was mean and I wasn't that cool after all.

In a "dance your dream" session I met the two personas who ruled me: the pretty princess on the pea and the demanding warrior. The judgment I had heard all my life was either: you're too whiny, (sensitive, girly) or too bossy, (fearless, tomboyish) both meant that I was too much. Two years into the therapy sessions I stopped crying. I decided to stick with the warrior, at least it didn't hurt that much. Wrapped in rockn roll outfits I felt like a boy.

I had said one thing loud and clear though: I want to know what life is all about.

I had to face the answers: my feet brought me to places where I was supposed to learn about my myth, my mindset and beliefs that had forged me into this hard, defensive person. I saw, I heard but please, why should I listen?

In fighting mode we're too busy to slay our enemies rather than seeing them as messengers. The F word became my buddy. I was dreaming to move to Mars with Elon Musk cause this unfair planet made me too angry; I was imprisoned in this job I hated with these people who did not see my talent but treated me like....

I totaled my car. My fault. It didn't cost me my life but a big chunk of money. All I had at the time. For three months I was on foot and rode with coworkers to the job; the bike rides on the streets of LA had scared the heck out of me. My life was halted. I sat in it. Literally. In my arm chair. For hours, feeling the despair underneath the anger. And there was that guardian angel idea I really didn't want to believe in.

If somebody watched over me my life would be nice and easy. My son had left, my dog had died and then, one of the dark nights of my soul, my dad died. Before he could learn and express unconditional love. Before I could show him all that I am.

I was alone and that emptiness was gruesome. All I had was that familiar but tiny voice that always showed up but I only paid attention to after the dramas: everything will be okay, it said, soften up, listen....

Not giving up is fierce, to walk on even if your feet hurt.

I met Rosanne an intuitive life coach in 2014. She showed me that what is hard breaks easily. She helped me melt away parts of my armor feeling life rather than intellectualizing it. I kicked and screamed and learned to accept what is: everything I liked or disliked in my life was my own creation. I was afraid of myself; it wasn’t life that was treating me badly, my thoughts and expectations did.

To be afraid and dare to live anyway, that's fierce.

To trust that life is our friend not enemy - even when shoot happens -  that's pretty breath taking.

On this planet it's not fight and aggression that will win in the end. So we hope. We don't need more Testosterone and I didn’t need to be “male” to be powerful.

I was grinding my teeth walking the streets of LA - in pink sneakers - not judging people but looking at them, thinking: "I love you." Honestly? This was so silly, so weird... but at the end of the day I was different. Life was different. Baby steps, said Rosanne, but for me this was huge.

To admit to be scared is a big deal, especially for a rebel.

I learned not to react but to respond, not to lash out but to accept unfairness, not to criticize but let people make mistakes.

Behind every human’s mask sits the wish to be loved.

To focus on people's essence rather than their exterior - that's fierce.

To respond from our heart no matter what, to let go of the “old”, that's fierce. 

Trigger Happy

She typed in her little machine and said what they always say: "I already put it in and can't remove it." Yeah, sure. One of the most disliked people in every town, the parking sergeant looks at me expecting me to burst into swear words. I prefer to look back at her in my most piercing disgusted way. I grab my computer bag, my hand bag, my keys. I finish my espresso. I leave. My mood to write was crushed. In the car driving home I got more and more furious.

My trigger: I am unfairly treated. I can't make the tiniest mistake without being punished for it? Forgive me already.

Forgive me for what?

Years ago an astrologer had told me that I must have killed a lot of people in a past life. That was a heavy hammer to swing for somebody you pay expecting help. To be afraid of your inner badness isn't exactly that. I could have gotten a second opinion but then I don't really believe in reincarnation. So I put it aside. But every image leaves an imprint on your brain and some we can't delete that easily.

I felt guilty and that wasn't new, just a reinforcement.

The first time I became aware of it was when my best friend was annoyed with me: "Don't always defend yourself, I know it wasn't your fault. Why do you think everybody wants to get you?"

Blaming and shaming from my parents of course... easy culprit to discover. But making things aware is like the writing on the wall, it is suddenly out there and real.

To give my guilt trip some mythical depth life presented me with visions: Like a movie projected over reality I saw and experienced an amazing medieval story about heretic monks and the forbidden love of a courtesan and a monk. Not only that, the people in my life took on roles acting out energies of people who lived in my ancient house in Portugal 700 years before us. I only fully understood their roles years later after the whole drama had played out. It inspired me to write the trilogy Quanundrum. Everything is at the same time. First book is Mea Culpa, it is all my fault.

Not every trigger inspires us to 800 pages but they can be amazing flashlights into our psyche and inner stories. Especially if they hit you repeatedly and in different situations it's time to watch out as little monsters can became big, fat demons.

Like when Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty drives behind a little truck overloaded with stop signs and of course passes him by furiously instead - and crashes into his death. Only to become God for a while. Pretty cool for a sign... Not that a had a wonderful time as God. He experienced how screwed up he really was instead.

Trick from the psych box: You feel an attack or anything that awakens a negative feeling, fear, anger, sadness, fight, flight... don't react. Breathe, step aside. If you have a brain freeze, the "I will have to respond to this later" always works.

Then you can look at your feelings, step into the other person's shoes and decide how or maybe not to respond.

If the same feeling is triggered more often, let it guide you to when it happened first. Knowing it's origin is important as it's often childhood traumas that haunt us forever. Who knows, you might have a time travel experience like me into some hidden stories in your DNA.

“Life is story”

Find yours. Discover your beliefs and check if they are really yours. To retrain your brain and see the trigger situations differently will be a fierce act of will. To train your brain to change its judgements and the cause/effect plot is like going to the gym. That's where mantras come in. Repetition is king by convincing your brain of a new truth.

I have to look at a scary email now, one that wants to blame me. I saw the first line... I really drag to even look at it but I will breathe and watch my feelings - and let them go. And then I might or not respond.

Our "stuff" never goes away but the way we handle it makes the difference. We are responsible for our lives; we don't have to give other people the power to ruin our day.